Why You Freeze, Fawn, or Snap: Understanding Your Nervous System
(And What It Has to Do with Trauma, Anxiety, and Survival)
Ever snapped at your partner over nothing, totally zoned out during a conversation, or found yourself smiling and nodding while your insides scream “Nope”?
Welcome to your nervous system, friend. It’s not broken. You’re not dramatic. You’re not weak. You’re actually doing exactly what your body was designed to do when it senses threat- whether that threat is real, perceived, or just leftover from 2003.
Understanding your nervous system is one of the most powerful things you can do for your mental health, especially if you’ve experienced chronic stress, relational patterns that felt unsafe, or trauma (even the subtle, sneaky kind we don’t always recognize as trauma). In this post, we’ll explore the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses, how they show up in daily life, and how therapy can help you gently work with your body instead of fighting against it.
Fight Mode: The Protector
Your system is saying: “Danger! Let’s take control!”
You might notice:
Irritability or reactivity
Tight chest or clenched fists
Intense need to be right or in charge
Explosive emotions when overwhelmed
Fight mode isn’t bad. It’s your body’s way of trying to protect you through action. But when it kicks in over something small - like a tone of voice or a missed text - it might be a sign your nervous system is still wired for survival from past experiences or unprocessed trauma.
Flight Mode: The Runner
Your system is saying: “Get out of here, fast.”
You might experience:
Restlessness or constant busy-ness
Feeling trapped in situations or conversations
Avoidance of conflict, emotions, or therapy itself
Racing thoughts and overplanning
Flight mode can be super functional (hello, productivity queens), but it also leaves you feeling like you’re outrunning something you can’t quite name. Often, it’s a response to past overwhelm that never got fully discharged: trauma stored in motion.
Freeze Mode: The Shut-Down
Your system is saying: “This is too much. Let’s go numb.”
You may notice:
Brain fog or dissociation
Procrastination that feels paralyzing
Feeling spaced out or disconnected from your body
Emotional numbness or zoning out
Freeze is deeply misunderstood: it’s not laziness. It’s a trauma response. When fight or flight didn’t feel available, your body chose stillness as a form of safety. Think: possum pretending to be dead, or you scrolling TikTok for 3 hours while forgetting your own name.
Fawn Mode: The People-Pleaser
Your system is saying: “Keep them happy so we stay safe.”
This one often flies under the radar, especially in folks socialized to be caregivers, helpers, or perfectionists.
Signs include:
Over-apologizing
Prioritizing others’ needs to your own detriment
Difficulty saying no
Feeling responsible for others’ emotions
Fawning often develops in relational trauma, when keeping the peace was how you survived emotional or physical threat. If you grew up needing to “read the room” before showing up fully, this one might feel very familiar.
But Why Does This Happen?
Your nervous system isn’t logical - it’s biological. It’s constantly scanning for cues of safety or threat. And when it senses danger (even emotional danger), it acts fast to protect you.
This system is ancient. Like, woolly-mammoth ancient. It doesn’t always know the difference between “I’m being chased by a bear” and “My boss just emailed me ‘we need to talk.’”
When you’ve experienced trauma - or even just long-term stress or emotional disconnection - your system may stay stuck in protective mode long after the actual threat is gone.
How Therapy Helps
In therapy, we don’t judge your responses - we get curious about them. You’ll learn:
How to recognize your go-to response (and what it’s trying to do for you)
Grounding techniques to regulate your system gently
How past experiences, trauma, and emotional overwhelm shaped your instincts
Ways to shift into safety and connection when you’re ready
You don’t have to fix your nervous system. You just have to start listening to it. And eventually, we teach it that safety is possible, even now.
Final Thoughts
Understanding your nervous system is an act of self-compassion. It gives you a language for your reactions, a map to your patterns, and a gentler way of being with yourself.
You are not “too sensitive.” You’re beautifully wired for survival. And together, we can create space for something softer.
Curious about how this shows up in your life? Book a free consultation or join the waitlist to begin therapy with me. Let’s help your system feel a little safer, one session at a time.