Why You Feel Like You’re Carrying the Mental Load in Your Relationship
(Spoiler: You probably are - and it’s exhausting.)
If you’ve ever found yourself remembering the vet appointment, restocking the toilet paper, sending the birthday card, and managing everyone’s emotions about all of the above...
You’re probably carrying the mental load.
Also known as emotional labour. Also known as the invisible to-do list that never shuts off.
And if you’ve ever tried to talk about it and been met with:
“Just ask for help!”
“But I do stuff too!”
“Why are you so upset about this?”
...you’re not imagining the weight. And you’re not alone.
What Is Emotional Labour?
Emotional labour is the unpaid, often unacknowledged work of managing emotions - yours and everyone else’s. In relationships, it shows up as:
Soothing your partner when they’re stressed (even if you’re also stressed)
Prepping them for hard conversations so they don’t react poorly
Being the default “feeler,” processor, or peacemaker
Anticipating needs before they’re spoken
Now add mental load on top: remembering, planning, organizing, and holding the invisible details that keep life running.
It’s not just the dishes. It’s thinking about the dishes, noticing the dishes, knowing when they were last done, and wondering if asking again will start a fight.
Why It Becomes a Pattern (Especially for Women & Caregivers)
Most of us weren’t taught how to share emotional labour. Many were taught to be:
The “nice” one
The “easygoing” one
The “fixer”
The “strong” one who doesn’t need help
And over time, relationships start to feel... lopsided. You’re no longer just a partner. You’re the project manager. The emotional regulator. The default parent. The walking Google Calendar.
Why It Feels So Draining
Carrying emotional labour can lead to:
Resentment and burnout
Disconnection in your relationship
Feeling unseen or unsupported
Emotional fatigue from constantly managing others’ feelings
Eventually, you might feel like you're failing at everything - when really, you’ve just been doing too much for too long with too little support.
How Therapy Can Help
In therapy, we can:
Unpack why you default to overfunctioning
Set boundaries without guilt (remember that post? 😉)
Practice new scripts for asking for support
Explore fairer, more connected patterns in your relationships
Learn how to rest without the shame spiral
You deserve a relationship where you don’t have to carry it all.
Final Thoughts
You are not too needy. You are not too sensitive. You’re tired - and that’s valid.
Emotional labour doesn’t mean you’re “bad at coping.” It means you’ve been coping alone for a long time.
If you’re ready to stop carrying the invisible weight of everything, I’d love to support you. Book a free consultation or join the waitlist - let’s start lightening the load together.